The absolute fuckery of being “second”



Confession:  as a woman hell-bent on empowering other women, celebrating community over competition


…A few weeks ago, I got my feathers absolutely ruffled, went straight up hell-cat mode, dug in my heels and set out to “do battle” with what seemed like a “competitive” and relatively shitty situation.  (yes, its a little embarrassing a few weeks removed;-) 


Lemme back up.


As some of you know (and maybe even some of you care ☺),  the last few years of my life have been a sort-of a long “a-ha” moment  learning to distinguish what I like to do vs. need to do vs.  MEANT to do.


“The universe “   put me on a mission approximately five years ago that led me squarely here:    to be a brazen and bold advocate for women who want to live loud lives– most especially women entrepreneurs who speak what I affectionally refer to as my “weirdo alpha female language”.


So, a quick catch up:  After years of coaching, therapy, sabbatical, running multiple businesses,  planning (and re-planning),  recruitment,  and launching,  several pieces of my soul joined forces and said  “Listen bitch: You were meant to be a professional ledge pusher.  You were meant to help other women see what is amazing in themselves and reflect it back through your camera, your voice and by creating a place for fellow weirdos to gather, grow, vent, launch, support and give back.”




I (so-fucking-nervously) siren called into the world for other women “like me” — those who want to wring every damn bit of magic out of their lives and want to use every motha-fucking-crayon in the box and want to see others so the same. And. Y’all… they. showed. up.  


We have grown our crew methodically.  And had (what we thought;-)) to be a very unique, multi-phased plan to create a home-base for these unicorns and then broadcast this well-vetted, magical crew and all they do out into the universe.  The Plan went kinda like this:



  • Find our contributor team who would write first-hand articles specifically for CLT alpha-female entrepreneurs.
  • Call to the universe for 100 similarly fearless and fiery women who happened to also be entrepreneurs
  • Create a true community filled with events and activities that are not simply business focused but that honor ALL that it means to live loud lives and build businesses that support that (and we don’t just mean financially).
  • Celebrate our one-year anniversary with a CLT-wide event (which will happen in October) to begin to take this highly vetted community and make certain the world knows about them through our publication, a magazine-style directory of amazing women-owned CLT businesses (whose proceeds would not solely line my pockets…. I mean that would be cool though. lol) but to earn enough money to truly promote these talented women and to try to fill our community bank account to support our Fish Tank Micro Grant:  tiny grants to support big things.


…I’ll stop here as this is where the “hell cat” vibe comes in.







That “original” idea I had just spent two years of my life on, that is ALMOST to where we had planned to allow us to take that next step.  The step that would —insert hopeful doe eyes here— fund a big portion of our empowering women and girls- will be ’second’ to another directory of local women


I was BESIDE-my-fiery-ass self.


Someone else gets to be first to “MY” thing.

My baby.

My biz planning.

Something that did not exist in the city I call home.


MUTHA FUCK that stung.


So, after a major hissy fit…


I called my new PR person

I called a meeting with a friend who has zero to do with the plan and hoped she could be objective

I had coffee with a rationale life coach friend who is intimately familiar with the plan

I cussed.  a lot. 


Then, I had a decision to make:  be “second” to “MY” idea.  Or, move our timeline up six months and ROLL!


My absolute guttural response was “aw, hell naw”- it’s time to LAUNCH!     To go fully public, attach our name to it in an attempt to somehow claim :  ‘oh heeeeyyyyyy! Look at this shiny magical thing:  we. were. 



So, timelines were adjusted, ads were purchased, and meetings were held.  And guess what?








You CANNOT take a heart project and have it be motivated by fear of missing out.  

You CANNOT be a safe place of authenticity and inspiration when being driven by an almost biological drive of being “first.”

You CANNOT rush a well-thought-out plan just to claim ‘I did it first.’


And mostly—


You CANNOT be an empowerer of women and think there can only be room for one of us.


So, back to Plan A. (And,  to a better person of myself;-)


And though we can no longer say we will be the first directory-style publication exlusively honoring and celebrating women-owned businesses in our city , what I can tell you is this:   when we are ready to launch in the way we had intended, it will be in the original, thoughtful and meaningful manner we intended before EGO got in my way…It will be absofuckinglutely astounding.


Stay tuned.


Want to stay informed on being a part of ALPHA FEMALE: CLT’s guide to the BOLDEST WOMEN-OWNED? (We thought so!)? Go here and drop your deets.  (Same goes for anyone wishing to chat on partnerships or sponsorships. )

know tribe directory of Charlotte nc women owned business

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