Do you tend to be pretty critical and judgmental of yourself? Do you often feel like a failure or not enough, focusing on what’s wrong all the time or what you ‘should’ be doing?
It can feel like we’re going to be stuck there forever in that uncomfortable state, and nothing productive ever seems to come out of it.
I want you to know you’re not broken. This is so normal, I’m definitely guilty of this!
The good news is, you can have it happen less and less often with this mindset shift I’m going to share with you to help you work towards creating new auto-pilot thoughts that feel more gentle, accepting and constructive.
How to Shift from Inner Shame & Criticism to Compassion & Kindness
Notice what’s happening, and feel your feelings. Take a minute to really tune in and notice: how does it feel, what’s being triggered? Look for biological feedback from your body, and get super clear on what you’re feeling. Oftentimes when we’re being super critical and judgmental of ourselves we’ll feel tense, uncomfortable, anger, sad, fear of (__fill in blank__) and stress. Have compassion and empathy for yourself for that pain, honor your feelings. Notice it, feel it, don’t apologize for it.
Separate your feelings from facts. They do not always go hand-in-hand. When we treat feelings as facts, we use those feelings to selectively look for facts to back us up or sometimes our feelings make us unwilling to even gather facts. We can get so caught up in what’s going on that we don’t even realize the difference between the two. Ask yourself objectively: What actually is true in this situation? What are the facts? What am I making this mean?
Reframe the meaning. Take the information from step 2 and shift what you’re making the situation mean to what else it could mean that would be more grounded in fact. What else could be true here, what else could the situation also mean that would feel more empowering and be based on fact vs. feeling from your initial gut reaction.
Next steps. Think through what your next steps could be to move forward from this situation in an empowered positive, productive way instead of having it lead you down a self-sabotaging rabbit hole. Often when we play the shame/blame/judgment game, we get trapped in the feelings and it can keep us stuck or lead to stories to justify sabotaging behaviors.